|Coaching Change Brings New Hope To
10/12/00 - A Concerned
Fan - From the
bottom of his heart
Cincinnati OH - In the wake of the
disastrous grand opening of Paul Brown Stadium, Bengals owner and General Manager Mike Brown has made another brilliant move that may return our beloved football team to glory. There will be a new head coach leading the team this Sunday against the Jacksonville Jaguars. No, its not recently retired Jimmy Johnson, nor is he a college football great like Joe "Pa" Paterno. Its recently fired head coach Bobby Knight from Indiana University. "The timing was impeccable" states Mike Brown "it was like a sign from the football gods, that a great baseball coach like Robbie Knight would become available the same day that Bruce and the crew would ruin the opening of daddy's stadium" When asked why Coach Knight was chosen for the job Brown responded "Robbie is a winner, he got five guys on his team to average 75 points a game. Therefore he could
easily get my fifty guys to average ten times those points - do the math!!! Besides our opponents offenses' are only averaging 35 points a game against us, so i can save money by cutting down on defensive backs - its so simple!!!" Even the Bengals players are excited about Coach Knight. Bengal running back Corey Dillon states "I think Mr. Knight brings better motivational tools to our team - chairs, toilet paper, choke holds!!! he showed me things i could do with a cell phone - man he is da master of motivation!!!!!" It is reported that speed demon cornerback Atrell Hawkins has cut least 5 seconds off his blazing 20 second forty yard dash since the announcement of Knights hiring. "you gotta be one fast
mutha' to run
from, uh..... I mean run for Mr. Knight!!!" exclaimed Hawkins.
When asked about his firing, former coach Coslet was a man of many words -"It sucks" stated Coslet. When asked about coach Knight and his prospective future, Coslet expounded further "he sucks!!" When asked about chances for other coaching jobs in the NFL, the former coach
explained in detail that "they suck." Former offensive coach Kenny Anderson
didn't seem to worried about his future - "I'm in good with lots of
people, plus I hear they're looking for a full time driver for the Bengal Bus" states the ex Bengal quarterback "There is no way
anyone can stay sober through an entire football game to make the drive home!!!!"